How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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