All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
