She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
