He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
