how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
