We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
