Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
