my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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