you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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