Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
