I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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