so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
no, he came in my armpit
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
