I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize