I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You can't special order awesome
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize