it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
