I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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