Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I just sharted jello shots
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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