Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
