I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
