yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize