even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
