i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
