Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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