Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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