"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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