I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
