Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
