I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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