I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
