you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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