Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
