I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize