The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
