youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
