How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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