Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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