I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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