Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
