She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
