He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
