She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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