Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
