your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
