yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize