no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
