So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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