he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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