That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
