# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
someone owes me an orgasm
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
