I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
