Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
