well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
