if i can run in heels then i can drive
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
