Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
