She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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