dude i'm inner monologue high
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
