Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
