sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
