community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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