Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am one with the molecules
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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