R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
