It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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