I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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