Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
