Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
