After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
