I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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