I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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