all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
