Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
