The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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